Old Wounds

When you are wounded by a gate-keeper at a impressionable age - the wound remains.

Dropping off my oldest son, Andrew, at his college and on the drive back my wife noted that I was looking for regrets. When I did not find any it was like I was disappointed. Someone told me that they would be there, waiting for me. But there was none. There were mistakes and I owned those.

I realized that someone I trusted shot me with an arrow in the back and the poison of the arrow had been poisoning my thinking and feeling for the past forty some years. It took a son to grow up and become a man for me to realize that not only did I raise a man but somewhere along the path I became one.

I am humbled by the great man that my son has become and I tried to pass it off as luck. My beloved Thursday group challenged me powerfully to receive the grace that God had worked in my life. Not only am a great man and raised a great son but am helping other men become men and raise great sons. Wow! I am beginning to believe.

Thank you all for your faith in the God you see in me. Please forgive me for doubting your love and sincerity. I am humbled by the wonderful grace I know enjoy and expect the same God to help me launch the next two as well.

Emotions the same has the Heart?

The heart is not the same as the emotions. Think of a large sponge in the cavern of your soul, absorbing the echoes from the heart as well as from the mind; the good absorbed with the bad. When the emotions are in a situation that reminds it of another situation it breathes out the stored feelings and stimulates the mind and body to prepare for the anticipated response. The heart is pure at its source as it is connected to the heart of Christ. When Christmas comes around your sponge breathes out what it anticipates "Christmas" to be. It is not the truth and sometimes not even a fact but a "justified" feeling from the past. The Holy Spirit of God does not manipulate His believers by using the emotions. He fully uses the heart, that is His primary point of contact with us believers.

Emotions can be programed with a strong mind and repetition. I used to throw newspapers. I hated picking up the newspapers from the warehouse. It was full of smoke from cigarettes and some very rough people. They seemed to growl at me for some reason. Well, one day I got tired of not liking it and decided to use my mind to overwhelm my emotions. I lied to myself by saying "I love to pick up the newspapers." Nothing changed but my attitude. Wow. I am dumber than I thought. I began to look forward to picking up the papers. I started talking to different people and found out they were not as rough as I thought nor were they the ones that were growling. While most of life contains deep and powerful grief that must be experienced, so much of life is based upon our ability for our mind to enslave our feelings and our mind's submission to the heart.

Pastor Rod

Choking On Joy

I am gifted by God to help people face their grief. I have helped people face grief that was bigger than they are. Yet my challenge is helping people to face the joy that comes when the grief matures. I have lost more people to joy choking than I have to grief.

I believe that JOY is the air of heaven. It is pure and natural to our human state. We long for the lazy and soul numbing state of happiness, yet we are called to prepare for a complete state of JOY.

God has shown me that grief is what prepares us for JOY so I can surmise that our problem with joy choking has to be with not letting grief have its way with us. We edit grief.

Grief is a gift from God, it is His breath in us that reveals to us that what has happened is wrong and out of place in His world. It is a gentle invitation to share His heart, His pain, His love. The tears and groans are whispers from His Spirit in our hearts binding us together. Thus if we embrace the grief and let it have its way with us, we will be ready for the JOY.

Make a focused effort to release the grief in your heart to be expressed, especially with others. Do not edit or touch the grief, learn to express it in safe environments and appropriately.

The same is true of JOY. There are key places where the JOY of our heart is to be released. JOY is the fragrance of our heart that enthralls the LORD to us. It is the beauty of our heart.

Reality Awakening

Thank You, God, for the grief You have allowed in my life. I have not enjoyed the betrayal of a best friend but the grief has produced an awareness of reality that is fresh and healing. Thank You. I can see how You use grief in my life to keep my mind clear and focused on the things that are about Your kingdom. Thank You for destroying false hopes that were not birthed of my faith but rather of my flesh. Like Ishmael, I hoped that You would give them life but You told me that You would not own children that You did not conceive. These false hopes were conceived of my fears, doubts not of my faith or love.

Please keep enough grief in my life to keep me real but not overwhelm me to the point of hopelessness. Help me to share in other's grief so that they do not walk alone.

Rest

I came home from work one day and my daughter was busy in the front yard picking weeds out of the grass. I asked her what she was doing. With great delight she scooped the weeds into a pile and presented them to me. Daddy, would you love me now? I was heart broken over her request.

I took her inside and said, I want you to please sit in my chair every day when you get home from school. Pretend that the chair is my big arms hugging you. I want you to think of how much I love you. She nodded she would and went off to play.

The next day I got home and she was there in my chair. Her tears were evident that my heart got through. Thank you, Daddy, for loving me. Thank you for playing with me, talking with me and going with me to the fair. Thank you for being my Daddy!

You are very welcome. Now go off and play.

The next day was the same. More tears and appreciation for the love now seen. Why did you doubt my love?

Bobby's daddy left him last week and said he was never coming back. Suzy has never seen her daddy. I was scared that I might lose you, too.

I will never leave you or forsake you. You are mine and I am yours.

I thought all was well till the next day. When I got home she was not in the chair. I looked outside and there she was, picking weeds again.

I rushed outside and asked her what was she doing?

Wait a minute, Daddy. She gathered all of the weeds into a pile and then presented them to me. I was in the chair and thinking about your love. I was so overwhelmed with your love, this time I just wanted to say, "Thank you!"

God longs for us to to begin each day and end each day in the chair, resting and receiving His love. If we do anything in service that is not based on our thank you, then we are working toward trying to earn His favor. Rest in His arms.

Humble

God always delights to humble me right before He greatly uses me. On a youth revival weekend with Journey to Dream, I was getting ready to sit at a table filled with young people. As I sat down, the chair gave way and I tumbled to the floor. I was not hurt - on the outside. But inside...ouch. Philip reached out a compassionate hand to help me up. I pushed him away and tried to get up by myself.

Later God convicted that I had hurt Philip when I refused his help. I did not handle the humbling to well. And God delighted to use me a couple of hours later. I bruised Philip's heart when the Christ in him reached out to me. I apologized to him later in front of the kids because he did what he was supposed to do. He reached out in love and sometimes we need help to get through what we are going through.

Presence

I remember waking from the surgery. There were two friends standing against the wall. John and Big Ed. Like two strong angels they were there when I wasn't all there. Their presence was powerful. I don't remember a word that they said - did not need to. All I needed to hear was their presence.

I was visited a friend who was dying of cancer. As I walked into the room, he did not lift his head but said, "Pastor Rod, it is good to feel your presence." I sensed that he was spiritually more alive than he had ever been. "You are getting close to the other side?" He smiled and nodded. He was ready. He sighed, enjoying my presence for one last time. The next week he was gone. At least from earth and my earthly sight.

Presence is powerful. St Francis of Assisi is said to have said, "Preach the gospel, use words if you have to." Most of what we do is simply through the power of our presence.