Wow, is that a powerful statement or what. I am making a declaration of something that I have learned from counseling and coaching people for over 30 years – People can’t change.
We depend upon people to change. We marry someone expecting that marriage will do it and make the person change. We believe someone when they say that they are going to change. We believe hiring that certain person will make the difference and because they have a job they will change.
Let me make a crucial difference in our language. People mature and un-mature. But people under their own power do not change. You make the apple smaller or bigger but an apple cannot change from being an apple.
My greatest grief is watching seemingly intelligent and devout believers in Jesus marry someone BANKING on Jesus changing the person. You get to KEEP what you MARRY. Stop pretending. And some women believe that having sex with a man will change him. No, if he is an adulterer at heart, sex, less or more is not going to change him. He may be intoxicated with you for a while but he is going to be and do what he is.
Now, God and God alone retains the right to “save” people. He can take a man that is a lemon and change him into a holy olive from the inside out. That man will then begin to work out his salvation. Over time his “olive-ness” will be known to all. In his infancy he will still echo some of the lemon-ness of his old life. But God will correct and discipline and bring him to repentance. But don’t you bank on it.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
A Secret Ache of Every Man's Heart
EMOTE ME!!! The ache of every man is that his wife, daughters and mothers would be able to hear him without him having to speak a word. Peter whispers this secret in 1 Peter 3:1-6. Your man can be won without a word!
Most men are not able to process their emotions well. We were designed that way by God. Blame HIM, ladies. No, better yet. Learn how to EMOTE us.
Imagine grabbing a hold of our emotions, pulling them a little of the way out of us, not too far. And express the emotions. Do not pull them into your self - otherwise you will feminize them. A lot of women expect men to feel feminine with their emotions. WE can't. We are men and we are made that way from the inside out. Not the outside in. We are not nurtured into men but men on the inside waiting to be nurtured and discovered and released by ourselves and others around us.
Be very cautious in emoting us. We will not be used to this process. Gabi is learning this well. One time, coming home from a long day of counseling, I was barking at the kids. Rather than barking back for barking at her kids, she looked into my eye and emoted me. She said, no one said thank you for all that you did today. I am sorry and thank you. You were great today. I cried. Did not think I needed to cry, I mean water out of the faucet crying but it came. I quickly dried up, gave her a hug and walked away looking over my shoulder as she walked back into the kitchen with a new sense of power in her life. I was stunned, humbled, excited and scared. Now I know what people feel when God gives me insight into what is going on inside of them. Wow.
I love it and hate it. And it brings great joy to her when I relax and let her in. More than joy!!!
Most men are not able to process their emotions well. We were designed that way by God. Blame HIM, ladies. No, better yet. Learn how to EMOTE us.
Imagine grabbing a hold of our emotions, pulling them a little of the way out of us, not too far. And express the emotions. Do not pull them into your self - otherwise you will feminize them. A lot of women expect men to feel feminine with their emotions. WE can't. We are men and we are made that way from the inside out. Not the outside in. We are not nurtured into men but men on the inside waiting to be nurtured and discovered and released by ourselves and others around us.
Be very cautious in emoting us. We will not be used to this process. Gabi is learning this well. One time, coming home from a long day of counseling, I was barking at the kids. Rather than barking back for barking at her kids, she looked into my eye and emoted me. She said, no one said thank you for all that you did today. I am sorry and thank you. You were great today. I cried. Did not think I needed to cry, I mean water out of the faucet crying but it came. I quickly dried up, gave her a hug and walked away looking over my shoulder as she walked back into the kitchen with a new sense of power in her life. I was stunned, humbled, excited and scared. Now I know what people feel when God gives me insight into what is going on inside of them. Wow.
I love it and hate it. And it brings great joy to her when I relax and let her in. More than joy!!!
Friday, November 18, 2011
OUCH, again
My heart hurts.
Again, I was attacked, hacked and sacked by a mean mouthed man and his wife. This time the man joined in the attack. UGH! She was offended at first about the stabbing of the heart sword demostration that I use. Then he picked up her offense. He then began to gather other men to continue the attack. Small stuff and he was not a good friend. But it still hurts.
What hurts more, is the man who was supposed to stand beside me, chose not to. He backed out of the fight.
I have served in the military, front line forces for the Cold War. I have snuck behind the Iron Curtain and faced bold communists who hated my guts to my face. But a brother who names Christ who lies and exagerates what I said; who has apparently no understanding of spiritual realities; tries to regulate how I explain forgiveness and healing and the gospel of Jesus Christ. A lay man attacks a Pastor. OUCH. Round two.
I bleed because I forgive. They are already forgiven. Released to God for Him to deal with... I am done. Yet there is no reconcillation without owning the wounds that they have caused. And I recognize even if they begin to own the wounds they will never fully understand without having been a pastor. I can forgive, easily, sheep who hurt because they are hurt. But wolves, pretending to be sheep...It is good to be quiet now and let God move. My wife's dad has a saying, "God's mill grinds exceedingly slow but exceedingly fine." I have seen it and will see it again.
My heart hurts, my eyes want to cry, my voice wants to moan somehow to match, to relieve the pain of my heart.
I have learned I need to be very careful in explaining HeartTalk and HeartHealing to others. Those with unattended wounds will turn and attack. When they sense the person next to them is getting healed of a wound similiar to theirs, they will scream and shout and doing anything and everything to stop the healing. If the person next to them gets healed, that means there is a chance for them to healed. They are comfortable in their anger and rage, it drives their life, gives them a sense of power. I was sent into their lives to bring life and they chose their anger and rage. Their hatred will consume them. Some turn, most don't.
May God have mercy and deliver them from their foolishness.
May they know a long life of true joy that comes from pulling the sword out of their heart and releasing it to God.
May they know the love of their children from a pure heart and mind and
may God delight to humble us all, again and again until we are perfected through suffering into the image of His Son. Please pray for me to stay humble and to hold my ground.
Martin Luther, the Junior.
aka Pastor Rod
Again, I was attacked, hacked and sacked by a mean mouthed man and his wife. This time the man joined in the attack. UGH! She was offended at first about the stabbing of the heart sword demostration that I use. Then he picked up her offense. He then began to gather other men to continue the attack. Small stuff and he was not a good friend. But it still hurts.
What hurts more, is the man who was supposed to stand beside me, chose not to. He backed out of the fight.
I have served in the military, front line forces for the Cold War. I have snuck behind the Iron Curtain and faced bold communists who hated my guts to my face. But a brother who names Christ who lies and exagerates what I said; who has apparently no understanding of spiritual realities; tries to regulate how I explain forgiveness and healing and the gospel of Jesus Christ. A lay man attacks a Pastor. OUCH. Round two.
I bleed because I forgive. They are already forgiven. Released to God for Him to deal with... I am done. Yet there is no reconcillation without owning the wounds that they have caused. And I recognize even if they begin to own the wounds they will never fully understand without having been a pastor. I can forgive, easily, sheep who hurt because they are hurt. But wolves, pretending to be sheep...It is good to be quiet now and let God move. My wife's dad has a saying, "God's mill grinds exceedingly slow but exceedingly fine." I have seen it and will see it again.
My heart hurts, my eyes want to cry, my voice wants to moan somehow to match, to relieve the pain of my heart.
I have learned I need to be very careful in explaining HeartTalk and HeartHealing to others. Those with unattended wounds will turn and attack. When they sense the person next to them is getting healed of a wound similiar to theirs, they will scream and shout and doing anything and everything to stop the healing. If the person next to them gets healed, that means there is a chance for them to healed. They are comfortable in their anger and rage, it drives their life, gives them a sense of power. I was sent into their lives to bring life and they chose their anger and rage. Their hatred will consume them. Some turn, most don't.
May God have mercy and deliver them from their foolishness.
May they know a long life of true joy that comes from pulling the sword out of their heart and releasing it to God.
May they know the love of their children from a pure heart and mind and
may God delight to humble us all, again and again until we are perfected through suffering into the image of His Son. Please pray for me to stay humble and to hold my ground.
Martin Luther, the Junior.
aka Pastor Rod
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Two Pillars of Marriage
The two pillars of marriage are communication and expectation.
Communication is simple: heart to heart. It means that my mates knows my heart better than I do and I trust them with my heart more than I trust myself. Men love to be heard without a word and women love to be heart-seen. 1 Peter 3:1-6 talks of men being heard without a word. They can be led to God by their wives without a tongue having to move. Women want their heart known in a way that allows them to rest and trust another with their heart.
Expectation
This is very dangerous. This is hidden, under the radar type of stuff. We all come into relationships expecting certain things. Some of the things we are very aware of while the deeper things haunt us. Usually they are unspoken promises we have made to ourselves from our childhood. They are usually discovered when we encounter a situation that demands danger to the soul. When we don't stay in that condition you can usually see what the issue is. They will say something like this: no one is ever going to make me feel that way again.
Communication is simple: heart to heart. It means that my mates knows my heart better than I do and I trust them with my heart more than I trust myself. Men love to be heard without a word and women love to be heart-seen. 1 Peter 3:1-6 talks of men being heard without a word. They can be led to God by their wives without a tongue having to move. Women want their heart known in a way that allows them to rest and trust another with their heart.
Expectation
This is very dangerous. This is hidden, under the radar type of stuff. We all come into relationships expecting certain things. Some of the things we are very aware of while the deeper things haunt us. Usually they are unspoken promises we have made to ourselves from our childhood. They are usually discovered when we encounter a situation that demands danger to the soul. When we don't stay in that condition you can usually see what the issue is. They will say something like this: no one is ever going to make me feel that way again.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Adam's Sons
Inside of every son there is a way that seems right to him but the end thereof is death.
The Easy way.
The way of Escape.
The way of Excuse.
Men are born wanting easy women. They want marriage to be easy, dating to be easy and sex to be easy. They donot want to have to fight or work for anything. They want an easy job with an easy life.
Every man looks for a way of escape. Pornography, divorce, alcohol and drugs are another way of getting away from the issues.
You catch a boy with his hand in your cookie jar and ask him what he is doing and most men will say, "Nothing." He even may repeat what echoes in his soul, "The woman that THOU gaveth to me, she gaveth and I ateth."
A boy becoming a man has to learn to fight for each one of these. He has to learn to fight for what is right no matter the cost, not for the easy way.
He has to learn to take responsibility even when he is not sometimes responsible. The buck stops with him.
And he has to learn to stand and take the heat. That is a man. And a man becomes that by fighting those battles for himself and by himself.
A father can model and message these important examples but the son must learn to fight for himself.
The Easy way.
The way of Escape.
The way of Excuse.
Men are born wanting easy women. They want marriage to be easy, dating to be easy and sex to be easy. They donot want to have to fight or work for anything. They want an easy job with an easy life.
Every man looks for a way of escape. Pornography, divorce, alcohol and drugs are another way of getting away from the issues.
You catch a boy with his hand in your cookie jar and ask him what he is doing and most men will say, "Nothing." He even may repeat what echoes in his soul, "The woman that THOU gaveth to me, she gaveth and I ateth."
A boy becoming a man has to learn to fight for each one of these. He has to learn to fight for what is right no matter the cost, not for the easy way.
He has to learn to take responsibility even when he is not sometimes responsible. The buck stops with him.
And he has to learn to stand and take the heat. That is a man. And a man becomes that by fighting those battles for himself and by himself.
A father can model and message these important examples but the son must learn to fight for himself.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Cherished by God
Well, if God chases me and expects me to chase Gabi...And God expects me to cherish Gabi, is God cherishing my heart?
Why does the thought of this scare me? It is like God is reaching inside, in a world, a realm where there is no map and no one has been there before. I don't know what HE is going to find. I fear a mess at best and worse, maybe the devil himself? Yet, I find this exploration, this desire wonderfully fulfilling and exciting. I can barely breathe. To let YOU in. To let YOU know me like I have never been known before. I do not know what the deep desires of my heart are. I must trust YOU. YOU touching the very essence of my being, that I have never trusted anyone with before. I do not even trust myself to go where YOU are desiring to go. But I must say, Go. Know me and let me know myself in YOU. YOU have always been my hope and my savior. Save me from me and my fears. Awaken those deep holy desires YOU planted deep in my heart. I trust YOU.
Why does the thought of this scare me? It is like God is reaching inside, in a world, a realm where there is no map and no one has been there before. I don't know what HE is going to find. I fear a mess at best and worse, maybe the devil himself? Yet, I find this exploration, this desire wonderfully fulfilling and exciting. I can barely breathe. To let YOU in. To let YOU know me like I have never been known before. I do not know what the deep desires of my heart are. I must trust YOU. YOU touching the very essence of my being, that I have never trusted anyone with before. I do not even trust myself to go where YOU are desiring to go. But I must say, Go. Know me and let me know myself in YOU. YOU have always been my hope and my savior. Save me from me and my fears. Awaken those deep holy desires YOU planted deep in my heart. I trust YOU.
God Chases Me
God commands that I chase Gabi. He placed a divine ache, promise, expectation that she will be chased all the days of her life. Her father was supposed to awake her to this desire and I am to complete the desire. Her sons are to help in their way but my task is special. As I do this with all my strength, I find myself weak and running on empty.
Then I realize another truth. Based upon Ephesians 5 what I am doing to my wife is what I can expect God to do with me. He chases me? Has that been my life experience? Dare I turn around and see if HE is there running after me? Yes, HE is and has always been. Wow! God is chasing me. Dare I stop and let HIM catch me? What would HE do with me if HE were to catch me? This is a reverse. I have been taught to chase God. The God-chasers. Is the secret to let God chase me? To relish in HIS chasing of my heart, to rest in HIS eventual capture again and again only to begin the chase again afresh the next day. Yes, I have the energy to chase Gabi, my wife, Tori my daughter because I too am being chased. Every day I now awaken and say, Let the race begin.
Then I realize another truth. Based upon Ephesians 5 what I am doing to my wife is what I can expect God to do with me. He chases me? Has that been my life experience? Dare I turn around and see if HE is there running after me? Yes, HE is and has always been. Wow! God is chasing me. Dare I stop and let HIM catch me? What would HE do with me if HE were to catch me? This is a reverse. I have been taught to chase God. The God-chasers. Is the secret to let God chase me? To relish in HIS chasing of my heart, to rest in HIS eventual capture again and again only to begin the chase again afresh the next day. Yes, I have the energy to chase Gabi, my wife, Tori my daughter because I too am being chased. Every day I now awaken and say, Let the race begin.
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