This hurts me more than it hurts you

I had heard of parents saying this when they spanked their children but I did not believe it when I was spanked.

I have a friend. I believe he is an honest friend. But he can't tell the truth and does not know how to tell the truth. OUCH!

I have tried and I can't reach him. He is lost and his heart knows it. But his soul is in charge and he is lost behind the walls and the childhood COPS he has placed there to protect his heart.

A COP is a Covenant Of Protection that we have made unto ourselves to not be hurt again. These COPS stand there with great SOUL power to keep us from things that might hurt us. The more COPS the less relationships that we can have and maintain. The COPS hate relationships. We mus identify our COPS (not directly) and disarm them, take away their authority and power to influence. We have to break the promises that we have made to ourselves.

I am in his life to help him. But he believes his soul more than he believes his heart and my heart. My soul says, "I am done." My heart says that I will wait here until...

I will not more. I am here. When he turns I will be here. But he must turn and then he must own the horrible wounds that he has caused and allowed. May God have mercy on both of us.

Walls

Her soul diligently built a wall around her heart. Her soul, her mind, will and emotions, promised her that she will never, ever feel that pain again. Soon the last brick will be in place and she will finally be safe, never hurt again. Her soul is desperate to hurry the wall while her heart is grieving. A heart consumed by joy demands to exhale and give out and will not allow a wall to be built. But if the wall is completely built then the joy dies within the soul's shelter.

The soul hates the heart, with a great passion. Though the soul was designed to follow and serve the heart, the soul tries to lead again and again. 

It is only in relationship with other heart people that we can stay free of our own soul's tyranny. 

Know, Feel and Think

I don't care what you think. I don't care what you feel. I care to know what you know. I care to know what you know in your heart. Life is lived from the heart. Joy is found living life with the fullest of the heart, full speed ahead. Joy is found in the fullest of grief and joy. Joy comes from living a life of knowing who you are and treasuring those things you know.

I have seen women give up what they know for a feeling. They know a man is bad for them but they push on. Then the first baby comes and now they know or remember what they forgot or neglected: he is a horrible father and husband. Emotional infatuation negated what they knew in their heart. 

Men give up what they know for the loin or checkbook. They know it is questionable at best and wrong at worst. Later, all seems to be black and white and they are very clear about what they know and what they feel.

  

What has God taught me from Failure?

On page 292 on The Purpose Driven Life written by Rick Warren he lists seven questions that are great to ask yourself every ten years. I love these questions.

1. What has God taught me from failure?

·         That He delights to use anything to mature me. My maturity is everything to Him and He is wonderfully committed to that development. He is committed to my growth and maturity. 

·         He has also taught me what does not work no matter how much you wish it, want it, pray for it, hope for it, spend for it. He is God and is God all by Himself. Sometimes He says "No!." And He means it. And He does not have to explain His no, I must obey it without question.

·         That there are certain people who will love me in spite of the failure. Their love for me will not change. I have been very fortunate to be surrounded by such people. Beginning with Gabi and then continuing with my children, Andrew, Tori and Luke. Wow, I have been horribly blessed beyond measure. This child of God better shut up the complaining and let loose the praise and gratitude for the rest of his days! Psalm 50 - thanksgiving is the key.

·         Failure is not fatal. Failure is actually a good thing. It means I tried. It means I risked. It means I moved. Failure is strangely familiar as a friend not an enemy. Failure is an event and not a relationship. Relationships are crucial to life and events are not crucial to life, living and love. I do not celebrate the failure but the lessons learned and the courage celebrated. 

The Ways of the Heart

If someone hurts you, you choose to forgive with your mind and your will. Even though you do not "feel" it you choose to forgive because your heart is set to obey God.

But

you cannot and will not move in heart toward the person unless they own the wound that they placed upon your heart. Your heart will not move toward the person unless there is a wound upon their heart from owning yours.

You are still commanded to forgive them and release them from the debt of the wound. However, it is important to understand that you will not be able to reconcile heart to heart with that person unless there is a fellowship of grief and pain shared about that wound. Though the offender will never fully understand how they have hurt you, they will grow into the wound.

A great damage that was done to America was that men and women are the same. We are not. Women are hurt far different than men. What hurts a woman's heart is different than what hurts a man's heart. We are different at the very core of who we are. To learn how to know a woman's or man's heart is the basic skill that married couples must master. And wounds are the quickest way to learn.

Getting Ready before the Storm Comes

Sometimes my quiet devotion time does not seem to matter much and can be easy to skip and neglect. Meals are easy to notice when I skip even exercise my body craves the action. If I miss sleep I am going to know it. But missing that quiet devotional time with God and the fellowship time in a small group with the saints, easy to miss.

And then the storm hits. Helped a young family celebrate the life of their little child a while back through a funeral. I was very impressed with the husband and mother's faith. There were two worship songs that were sung during the service that moved both of them powerfully. The song's help was because the mother and father had already worshiped with that song before. Perhaps when they were worshiping before they did so out of love and appreciation for God but little did they know He was preparing a heart connection for the coming storm. And His music in their heart carried them through the storm. It was humbling to watch and learn and wonder what songs has God stored up in my heart for the coming storms? I need to slow down and enjoy the road and make sure I am listening to the music.

Grief

A young lady lost someone very close to her. She asked me about grief counseling. 

Grief counseling is more like a invitation to join you in your journey. You introduce me to you and to the one you lost. 

Grief is not about crying but coming to grips mentally and emotionally with what has happened to us. It is processing the event and the relationship. The Event in related to the Mind and the Relationship is related to the Heart. The mind and heart grieve differently. The mind loves to process information while the heart breathes. The mind is quick to process information related to the event and future events that can happen. The heart is sure and careful in breathing the grief and enjoying the joy. The mind can only process sadness or happiness at one time while the heart can experience deep grief and deep joy at the very same time.

The mind and body can become overwhelmed with grief and shut down while the mind hopes that time will help the pain to pass. The mind can forget but the heart cannot.

A spiritual guide will help your mind and heart go through the process. The guide cannot speed up the grief but the process can be slowed down if you are not careful.