I was overwhelmed with pain the other day. I saw a Spiritual Director who was/is friends with a person that has done me great hurt. We talked, were polite. Afterward, I was overwhelmed with grief and pain. I forgave again. This time I decided to YADA the pain. Yada is the Hebrew word for knowing intimately.
First be quiet. Then be still and then rest. And then listen and finally reflect back what my heart heard.
I heard Justice as I YADA'd this person's name. I said their full name and worked through being quiet, being still, resting. The grief overwhelmed me. It was good to release it again. I so want to be done with this person and this pain. Justice. Not sure I want justice. I have lived, survived and thrived off of God's wonderful mercy time and time again. I am not interested in seeing God call to justice my sins, secret and known. I tremble but God was gently leading me down a path. I could tell it was Him. So I spoke the word JUSTICE. I then worked my way through YADA saying the word JUSTICE and this man's name. Slowly and carefully through each step, Quiet, Still, Rest, Listen and Reflect.
After breathing, walking, resting my way through YADA I then wrote down three words related to JUSTICE.
I spent the next few days praying through these three. I arrived at a number, roughly of what was lost due to their actions. I was surprised. The number was horrific.
I recorded what would have to be done to temper the damage done to my reputation. The dollar amount made sense and could be somewhat recaptured. Yet the reputation was difficult. Ouch. This would last a lifetime. The arrow that was shot would affect me and my children for life. There are those who would not have anything to do with me because of their words. There are those who hesitate to have anything to do with me because of their words.
Finally, time. The time is lost. The opportunities lost. This cannot be recovered. Justice for time lost?