This hurts me more than it hurts you

I had heard of parents saying this when they spanked their children but I did not believe it when I was spanked.

I have a friend. I believe he is an honest friend. But he can't tell the truth and does not know how to tell the truth. OUCH!

I have tried and I can't reach him. He is lost and his heart knows it. But his soul is in charge and he is lost behind the walls and the childhood COPS he has placed there to protect his heart.

A COP is a Covenant Of Protection that we have made unto ourselves to not be hurt again. These COPS stand there with great SOUL power to keep us from things that might hurt us. The more COPS the less relationships that we can have and maintain. The COPS hate relationships. We mus identify our COPS (not directly) and disarm them, take away their authority and power to influence. We have to break the promises that we have made to ourselves.

I am in his life to help him. But he believes his soul more than he believes his heart and my heart. My soul says, "I am done." My heart says that I will wait here until...

I will not more. I am here. When he turns I will be here. But he must turn and then he must own the horrible wounds that he has caused and allowed. May God have mercy on both of us.

Walls

Her soul diligently built a wall around her heart. Her soul, her mind, will and emotions, promised her that she will never, ever feel that pain again. Soon the last brick will be in place and she will finally be safe, never hurt again. Her soul is desperate to hurry the wall while her heart is grieving. A heart consumed by joy demands to exhale and give out and will not allow a wall to be built. But if the wall is completely built then the joy dies within the soul's shelter.

The soul hates the heart, with a great passion. Though the soul was designed to follow and serve the heart, the soul tries to lead again and again. 

It is only in relationship with other heart people that we can stay free of our own soul's tyranny. 

Know, Feel and Think

I don't care what you think. I don't care what you feel. I care to know what you know. I care to know what you know in your heart. Life is lived from the heart. Joy is found living life with the fullest of the heart, full speed ahead. Joy is found in the fullest of grief and joy. Joy comes from living a life of knowing who you are and treasuring those things you know.

I have seen women give up what they know for a feeling. They know a man is bad for them but they push on. Then the first baby comes and now they know or remember what they forgot or neglected: he is a horrible father and husband. Emotional infatuation negated what they knew in their heart. 

Men give up what they know for the loin or checkbook. They know it is questionable at best and wrong at worst. Later, all seems to be black and white and they are very clear about what they know and what they feel.

  

What has God taught me from Failure?

On page 292 on The Purpose Driven Life written by Rick Warren he lists seven questions that are great to ask yourself every ten years. I love these questions.

1. What has God taught me from failure?

·         That He delights to use anything to mature me. My maturity is everything to Him and He is wonderfully committed to that development. He is committed to my growth and maturity. 

·         He has also taught me what does not work no matter how much you wish it, want it, pray for it, hope for it, spend for it. He is God and is God all by Himself. Sometimes He says "No!." And He means it. And He does not have to explain His no, I must obey it without question.

·         That there are certain people who will love me in spite of the failure. Their love for me will not change. I have been very fortunate to be surrounded by such people. Beginning with Gabi and then continuing with my children, Andrew, Tori and Luke. Wow, I have been horribly blessed beyond measure. This child of God better shut up the complaining and let loose the praise and gratitude for the rest of his days! Psalm 50 - thanksgiving is the key.

·         Failure is not fatal. Failure is actually a good thing. It means I tried. It means I risked. It means I moved. Failure is strangely familiar as a friend not an enemy. Failure is an event and not a relationship. Relationships are crucial to life and events are not crucial to life, living and love. I do not celebrate the failure but the lessons learned and the courage celebrated. 

The Ways of the Heart

If someone hurts you, you choose to forgive with your mind and your will. Even though you do not "feel" it you choose to forgive because your heart is set to obey God.

But

you cannot and will not move in heart toward the person unless they own the wound that they placed upon your heart. Your heart will not move toward the person unless there is a wound upon their heart from owning yours.

You are still commanded to forgive them and release them from the debt of the wound. However, it is important to understand that you will not be able to reconcile heart to heart with that person unless there is a fellowship of grief and pain shared about that wound. Though the offender will never fully understand how they have hurt you, they will grow into the wound.

A great damage that was done to America was that men and women are the same. We are not. Women are hurt far different than men. What hurts a woman's heart is different than what hurts a man's heart. We are different at the very core of who we are. To learn how to know a woman's or man's heart is the basic skill that married couples must master. And wounds are the quickest way to learn.

Getting Ready before the Storm Comes

Sometimes my quiet devotion time does not seem to matter much and can be easy to skip and neglect. Meals are easy to notice when I skip even exercise my body craves the action. If I miss sleep I am going to know it. But missing that quiet devotional time with God and the fellowship time in a small group with the saints, easy to miss.

And then the storm hits. Helped a young family celebrate the life of their little child a while back through a funeral. I was very impressed with the husband and mother's faith. There were two worship songs that were sung during the service that moved both of them powerfully. The song's help was because the mother and father had already worshiped with that song before. Perhaps when they were worshiping before they did so out of love and appreciation for God but little did they know He was preparing a heart connection for the coming storm. And His music in their heart carried them through the storm. It was humbling to watch and learn and wonder what songs has God stored up in my heart for the coming storms? I need to slow down and enjoy the road and make sure I am listening to the music.

Grief

A young lady lost someone very close to her. She asked me about grief counseling. 

Grief counseling is more like a invitation to join you in your journey. You introduce me to you and to the one you lost. 

Grief is not about crying but coming to grips mentally and emotionally with what has happened to us. It is processing the event and the relationship. The Event in related to the Mind and the Relationship is related to the Heart. The mind and heart grieve differently. The mind loves to process information while the heart breathes. The mind is quick to process information related to the event and future events that can happen. The heart is sure and careful in breathing the grief and enjoying the joy. The mind can only process sadness or happiness at one time while the heart can experience deep grief and deep joy at the very same time.

The mind and body can become overwhelmed with grief and shut down while the mind hopes that time will help the pain to pass. The mind can forget but the heart cannot.

A spiritual guide will help your mind and heart go through the process. The guide cannot speed up the grief but the process can be slowed down if you are not careful. 

Intimacy

God desires intimacy with our hearts and spirits.

Jesus said, "those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." (John 4:24b)

Most of us are unable to allow God to be intimate with our souls. Most of us are lonely. Some of us are having sex but not intimacy. For most women, letting their husbands into their body is easier than letting him into their soul. When the soul has been hurt and damaged it is hard to allow another in if we are not sure they are ready to be a part of the healing. So husbands are kept out. And wives too.

Christ wants intimacy that is heart to heart that goes beyond the soul. If I have not had parents who paved a way through my soul to my heart then it is going to be hard to allow Gabi to build that road unless she is very careful.

For marriage to be meaningful the husband and wife must have soul sex. They must be inside each other's soul. That means inviting the other person to come in, look around and stay a while. That means giving the other person access to be able to hurt you.

When our marriages have this type of intimacy our kids will crave for that type of marriage and will joyfully honor the idea of marriage. Because they see most marriages are shallow and empty they do not believe that marriage will work for them and shacking sounds like a good way to work through some of the issues before marriage. Most women shack with the plan on getting married. Most men shack because of the consistent and expected sex. A few do it for financial reasons but the damage is the same. God will NOT co-habit with a couple that are not under the covenant of marriage.

The dating time is the time we are supposed to explore each other's souls. But for most of us, we spent the time exploring each other sexually and the soul and heart were left out of the event. When you know someone's heart and soul you know whether or not you are attracted to them.

The wife wants to invite her husband to boldly go where no man has gone before. Warp factor nine, Scotty.

Soul Food

My wife made for me some Mac and Cheese the other day. I am just getting over a sinus infection that eventually made its way into my chest. The last thing I need is cheese thickening up the cough that still haunts my chest. Yet I could not say no. Mac and Cheese is my soul food. And she made some German Wurst (Sausage) to go with it. I was in soul heaven. And I know she did it out of love. She knows my soul food well.

This morning I was eating another soul meal and I ponder the food that was in front of me. It was well made, thank you Chubby's and it fit the desire of my soul. Yet when I walked away from the meal, my stomach and soul were satisfied but my heart was strangely empty.

Revelation of the day: You can eat according to the desires of your soul or according to the desires of your heart.

The heart enjoys food with fellowship and out of gratitude. The soul demands the emotions and the mind be satisfied. There is no need for gratitude or fellowship as the soul lusts for food it can consume. The soul gives no thought to the body or the future but rather feeds off of desires hidden within the soul that echo pleasure and unresolved grief that is locked in the sad cycle, demanding happiness.

Solomon reveals God's heart in "Woe to you , O land, whose king is a lad and whose princes feast in the morning. Blessed are you, O land, whose king is of nobility and whose princes eat at the appropriate time - for strength, and not for drunkenness." Ecclesiastes 5:16,17.

Solomon saw that there were kings who were raised from birth to walk in nobility and could lead others to walk in the nobility. He also saw that there were princes who ate for strength and princes who ate for pleasure. To eat according to the heart means to eat according to strength. Strength for the body and mind and not for the pleasure of the soul. There are times that are appropriate to eat for pleasure and it is always a shared pleasure, a birthday, an anniversary, a special celebration. But woe to the man who goes to Golden Corral every day to celebrate himself. I love to eat with my family at Golden Corral. It is fun to try the different food, to see what the other family members love to eat and share the time together. But to eat and feast alone means I am in search of a soul happiness that is dangerous. The heart eats for strength out of gratitude and the soul and stomach seek pleasure out of the food. Solomon warns in chapter 6 verse 7 "the appetite is not satisfied."

The book of Ecclesiastes is about a man who had everything that a man's soul desired. If his mind could think it, if his feelings craved it, he choose to will it for himself. And he declares it to be vanity, foolishness.

Do you eat with your heart or your soul? After you walk away from the table is your heart full of gratitude over what God just provided or are you convicted that you just ate according to your soul and ate alone? When we eat according to our heart and His Spirit we invite Him to dine with us and we both walk away from the meal satisfied. Our stomach may still have some craving but our hearts are full and we have enjoyed the true pleasure that has no regrets.

PS Married couples. Are you having heart sex or soul sex with your spouse?

Our heart is who we are

The eyes of the heart only look out. We cannot see in. To get a picture of our heart we must be in heart to heart relationship with other people. Our parents are tasked with the calling of helping us to see the heart that God has given us and to respond according to that heart.

If our parents fail we take our identity from our soul and from the world's influence upon our soul. Our soul is our mind and emotions and will. We become chameleons that respond to all sorts of stimuli from our world. 

Do you know the heart of your friends? Do they invite you to know their hearts? Do you know how to know a heart versus a mind? Do you want to know your own heart? It is very dangerous to get into a relationship with someone to discover your heart. The essence of marriage is to exchange trusts of the heart. It means to say to your spouse "I trust you more with my heart than I trust myself. You know my heart better than I do."  This is also the essence of good parenting. You must win your child's heart before they are ten years of age. By winning their heart, they say to you basically the same thing, "I trust you more than I trust myself." This is very important to happen before the child reaches the age when they are exposed to their peers. If the heart exchange has not happened the child will entrust their heart unto the care of their peers. And that is not good. 

Thank you Gabi

I just received my doctorate from Dallas Seminary.

Thank you to Gabi, my beautiful bride of 33 years.

You deserve the PhT degree (Put Hubby Through)

I would award you with a beautiful watch. It took time, time away from you and the kids. A little time here and there I was away even though I may have been present in the house, my attention was at school.

I would give you a gold bar to remind you of the extra weight and responsibility that you carried while I pursued this degree. You had to broaden your shoulders and helped me carry what I normally carry alone. And you did this while being a mother, a wife and working full time. Wow, thank you!

I would also give you a beautiful basket of fruit to say thank you for your great attitude through the trials and tribulations of pursuing this education milestone. The fruit resembles the fruit of the Holy Spirit and your attitude that you kept holy and pure during the whole time.

Thank you.

I love you and will spend the rest of my life saying thank you!!!

Men how to know a good one.

Find out where a man gets his energy.

Most men get their energy from the women in their life. DANGEROUS. That means their own energy is labeled potential energy. They have reflective energy from women, usually a mother. BAD, run Forestine and run some more. Do not look back.

Good men get their energy from other men. They get it from their father, their pastor, their mentors, their peers and their disciples. Good men have their own kinetic energy stirred up from the energy of others who are going the same way. Look at their mentors and their peers. This promises what they are going to look like in the future.

Bad men have kinetic energy in one area - sexual. Some women mistake romance energy for heart energy. Some men are naturally romantic. It is like a switch that they can turn off and on. It usually means nothing to them personally and they can use that energy on any women, even the ones they have no desire to be with. It is a tool to be used and women are objects.

Who are the man's heroes? And why are those heroes? Who are his comic books heroes and why? Who are his real like heroes and why?

Men do not change. They may mature but cannot and will not change. Do not count on any man changing.

Daughters Dating

I am of the persuasion that my daughters should not date. They fall in love at the drop of the hat. OUCH. That is my ouch when I see and their ouch later on. I know, most of the time, that he is NOT the one. At least for you. But because you are emotionally intoxicated by his presence, you cannot hear me. It does not matter what I say, no matter how much my heart bleeds, no matter how much i cry - you are still going to be intoxicated with him.

Ouch. You love to love with your soul but BUT do not know how to love from the heart first. The heart is very quiet and the Holy Spirit that resides in there demands respect. But when your soul sees something that looks like it is going to taste good you scoot yourself up to the ice cream bar and ask for his flavor. Pieces of egg shells, some dirt and hair do not repel you. The flavor is wild and refreshing and intoxicating. Yet if you could, (you won't) but if you could get very still and listen to your heart you would hear a gentle "no". Not a "maybe", not a "maybe later", not a "Wow, he has a lot of potential". Because the "no" is gentle you do not pay it any attention. And we head for OUCH.

The interview process is created to help avoid the intoxication. You will still get intoxicated by him, and hate me for a moment but because you are NOT allowed to date him the intoxication will die. Always. Because you did not feed the intoxication, it will die. It may die from neglect or from God opening the eyes of your heart to see him for who he really is. Your man, your husband to be will probably have some characteristic of him but not the baggage that you were so willing to overlook.

I love you and always will. Let my love return to me with JOY and not grief but staying under my umbrella, please? I promise to me nice to you in my old age. Please do not help hasten my old age.